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Thread: Uneasy Parents, dislike guns in the home.

  1. #1
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    Uneasy Parents, dislike guns in the home.

    Dear Forum Members,

    This is my first post after lurking around for a while. I live in a town about ten minutes from out of Chicago called Berwyn. That's not the important part.

    Tomorrow I'll be 23 and I still won't be the proud owner of a firearm. I've grown up adoring firearms and I have shot nearly every calibur excluding the mouse guns. At the moment I am still living with my parents and they both share the same view of firearms; they hate them.

    My mother has been mainly convinced that I would use them safely and everything would be fine. However, my father has had a bad experience as a child with a gun. His father came home drunk with a gun and didn't recognize his own son and my father kept backing up until he fell out of a window.

    Now, I don't know how to approach my father on the subject but I'm sure I could convince him eventually if I tried. I've even come to the conclusion that I would rather buy my fantasy gun, a SAA, since all I want it for is to be a shooter anyhow and it won't be for home defense per say.

    I thought of bringing my dad to the gun store to discuss safety in the home and what not but I know he won't be up for that and frankly its not convincing from a stranger to him. Any and all POSITIVE feedback is welcome. I've had two people in my family tell me to just get it and not tell him. Frankly I respect my father and his house so I won't be doing that ever.

    Thanks,

    MrOneTwo

  2. #2
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    The last sentance is the answer to your question, respect his house and his rules. If it is that important to you, leave, and go out on your own. When you pay the rent, you make the rules for your home. Good luck!
    If total government control equals safety, why are prisons so dangerous?

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    Declare adulthood, get your own roof and demand that nobody brings in something else.
    DON'T PANIC

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    I appreciate your input. I neglected to inform you I will be moving on my own in a few months. Also, after reading my post again, I didn't add that this isn't an on going debate between my father and I. I haven't asked him to keep a gun in his house, but I know of his opinions of guns. So please, refrain from the "grow up and move out" kind of responses.

    Thank you,

    MrOneTwo

  5. #5
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    MrOneTwo,
    My father is not the biggest pro-gun types. That is, he has guns for work (Sheriff), and guns for hunting, and he has no problems with people lawfully carrying guns for personal defense, but he is very much against what the Clinton Administration called Assault Weapons and Class III weapons. I'm still not a Class III owner but I do have those evil black rifles that he despises. When I come home to visit, I leave them home out of respect to him. He's an intelligent man and we've debated the subject ad nauseum, but at the end of the day, he has his opinions and I have mine, and regardless of how much we debate it, neither one of us budge on the subject.
    Since you do have plans on moving out in a few months, why don't you start saving up to get the gun of your dreams and some ammo. If you can get it before you move out, do you have a responsible friend with extra safe room that you could keep it? Or even get a lock-box to store it if your RESPONSIBLE friend doesn't have a safe. Then when you go out to shoot it, pick it up from your friends, shoot, clean it, and then drop it off at your friend's house. It's the best advice I can give...that and get a .22 for inexpensive practice. Regardless, respect his rules and don't bring the guns into his house without his blessings...but at the same token, when he comes into your house, you should ask him to respect your rules as well.
    Yes, I'm a grown man that loves My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Got a problem?

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    Open window = guns are bad.. hmmm

    damn spoons... making me fat...

  7. #7
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    However, my father has had a bad experience as a child with a gun. His father came home drunk with a gun and didn't recognize his own son and my father kept backing up until he fell out of a window.
    Now, if your grandfather had been driving drunk and had killed someone, would your father never get into a car?

    If your grandfather had fallen into a lake, drunk, and drowned, would your father never venture into a swimming pool or bathtub?

    A more logical reaction would be to avoid alcohol, wouldn't it?

    Why don't you start there?

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    He's allergic to beer, lol. I understand your point fully. My main concern with my post was advice on presenting the idea of keeping a gun in the house, unloaded. Seeing this as the "Parents' Corner" I figured I would receive advice about that point. I do appreciate the replies so far whether they were helpful or not.

    His old man passed on years ago, don't think he ever talked to him about that situation either.

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    Now, I don't know how to approach my father on the subject
    Directly, man to man. Talk to him. Tell him why it's important to you. Tell him it's his rules, his house--his word goes. Tell him you don't need an answer right away; you'd like him to listen, maybe over a couple of days. To ask you questions, consider, and then make up his mind.

    And accept his decision. We shouldn't expect everyone to reach the same answers we do, and if we differ, there should still be respect on both sides. You showing respect to him makes it easy for him to show it to you--but that doesn't mean he'll agree with you.

    He might never change his mind, or it might take him years. If he ever does, it'll be because of the example you set for him, starting with this conversation.

  10. #10
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    Once you're on your own, then it's up to you to make the rules of your house. Your father can accept them or not - it's his choice. If/when he says something, point out to him that you respected HIS home and its' rules, and now that you are in YOUR home, you anticipate him doing the same. Say it calmly, quietly - but firmly.
    Bet he'll accept it - he may not LIKE it, but he'll accept it.

  11. #11
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    As noted-just plant the seeds and wait for the fruit.

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    Thanks everyone, especially LoosedHorse, for your input. I'll update you after I speak with him today about it.

    MrOneTwo

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    My Dad was the same way, though not to that extent. He did hunt ducks and we had shotguns in the house, but he didn't like "high-powered-rifles". Go figure.

    He and I had lots of discussions about it, but he wouldn't budge. He loved shotguns, but didn't want a rifle in the house.

    His house, his rules.

    I waited until I moved out before I bought my first rifle. My house, my rules.

    As the years progressed, he became more open to the idea of a rifled barrel and I bought him a .22 rifle that he shot until the day he died. He never did own any centerfire rifles, but he did take up muzzleloader shooting in his later years.

    Some people just have a knee-jerk reaction against certain items. You might change his mind, you might not. That's no cause for discord between adults. Men can have a difference of opinion and still love and respect each other.

    Value your years with your dad. I wish I could talk with mine a couple of more times.

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    Keeping an unloaded gun in house full of mature adults does not make a lot of sense. I would have a hard time making that argument for you.

    While I fully support the RKBA I also support "honor thy parents" and the right of people to believe what they want and make rules in their own house.

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    My point was/is that under his Dad's roof, honor his wishes. He said he'd be moving out shortly - at which point it's HIS decision to own or not, and that would be the time to let his Dad know IF he wanted to that he was now a gun owner.

    My Mom HATED motorcycles. I didn't realize just to what extent until the day I swapped labor hauling hay for an old Indian that I promptly pushed a mile+ home. She went bonkers, Dad pointed out that since it was bought with MY "money", it wouldn't be right to force me to get rid of it (I was 12 at the time....) . He helped me get it running...
    It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I found out Dad had ridden m/c's for years. When I asked why he didn't tell me sooner, he told me that Mom was so opposed to them that he'd stopped riding, and that he didn't want to override her. To HER credit, she didn't like it, but since it WAS bought w/my earnings, I got to keep and ride it.
    Would have given ANYthing to have been able to go on rides w/Dad before he passed, but at least he rides with me now.....in my heart.

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    See my father has no hobbies. If I were able to somehow spark his interest in shooting, it would make our relationship even closer. He had depression last year and hes come back around a full 180. Never had suicidal thoughts, but he was just down in the dumps for quite a while. Just the idea of him having a new hobby could make him a new man so to speak. He just doesn't have that lively spark even though he still enjoys watching his sports and what not.

    MrOneTwo


    Edit: Please don't mention anything about someone who was previously depressed and not being a good idea to handle firearms. I'm being polite here on this board because I respect all of you. Don't disrespect me with such a remark, it's not welcome. Thank you.

  17. #17
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    My mom made my dad get rid of his GI 45 and a 38 revolver ha had also carried on duty when I was young. I think I have forgiven her, sort of....

    Won't be long until you are free to pursue your interest, and perhaps your dad will become interested as well. My dad never liked ball sports, but loved the camaraderie of hanging with "the boys", and in his later years was designated driver for a number of football afternoons. No telling what your dad may become interested in.

    Good luck.
    Paul
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    Thanks. I failed to elaborate on my time frame. It won't be "a few short months." It's more like six months. I would just rather be skilled in my firearm before using it as a home defense tool.


    MrOneTwo

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    Save your money until you are in your own place and can set your own house rules. Then, invite your dad to the range with you.

  20. #20
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    6 months seems long now. Trust me it will seem shorter later.....
    Paul
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    Mr. OneTwo,
    I salute your respecting your father's wishes, even as they supress your own, for another 6 months or so.
    It's also apparent, that you desire to be closer to him, to look out for him, and assist in his recovery. Again, a wonderful thing, perhaps more than you both know.
    Wherever you find common ground, cultivate it, and cherish what time you have to do so.
    My sense is that he is not likely to change his lifelong beliefs that have come from his childhood trauma. You could not appreciate how this must have affected him throughout his life, and trying to get him to come around may do more harm than good.
    As many others have said, you will be on your own soon enough, and you can live your life in your own time. Your parents can watch and learn from you, as they see you becomming an adult. As with all transitions in life, it can be frought with both joys and sorrows, but it sounds to me that they have much to be proud of in you.
    When your roles reverse, and you begin to "parent" them in their age, you may remember fondly, their memory of you as a young man, and perhaps the things you taught them along the way.
    Live your life as they would want you to, as they raised you to, and hold close the time you have together.
    Three things are necessary for the salvation of man: to know what he ought to believe; to know what he ought to desire; and to know what he ought to do.

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    So please, refrain from the "grow up and move out" kind of responses.
    Edit: Please don't mention anything about someone who was previously depressed and not being a good idea to handle firearms. I'm being polite here on this board because I respect all of you. Don't disrespect me with such a remark, it's not welcome. Thank you.
    Could you suggest the type of feedback you'd like so we can get it right? Said kinda sorta seriously.

    Honest? You already know how your old man feels about guns. What you don't know is what's going on in his head and what he might not have said to you - for whatever reason. He's probably not going to change his mind - are you comfortable knowing that you might be badgering him on this issue? There may be lots more to his early gun experiences with his old man than you know - and there may be more to his depression than you know too.

    My take? Enjoy your time with your old man and let him decide what happens in his own home. Invite him shooting at the rental range if you think it will do any good.

    Not really sure how to respond other than to say you know your dad better than we do - what would he say if you said "Pop, I'd like to go buy a gun and keep it in the house here with me"?

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    I very much so appreciate everyones opinions and responses. My birthday was excellent thanks for asking, haha. I've been waiting for the proper moment in conversation to present the question to him. Just a few minutes ago I brought it up.

    "I know you don't like guns, but would you care if I owned one and kept it unloaded in the house?"

    To which he replied, "You're going to do whatever you want to do anyway." (Not in a mean fashion or anything, just a realistic response. He's right because I'm never afraid to do anything, but this subject is an important decision.)

    So I said, "No, it's really up to you because this is your house and I respect that."

    And my father then said, "Okay, it's something I will have to think pretty hard about." And that was it.

    Honestly, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't think it was a possibility. Conversation had been guided into the direction of guns since I was at a range today. He said he just doesn't care to shoot a gun because they don't interest him. Perhaps I was wrong about his childhood trauma really bothering him because it really sounded honest. I think sometime in the near future you guys will be updated with news in my favor.

    MrOneTwo

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    +1 to Loosed Horse!

    Hope it goes well with your dad.
    "If it looks like a rabbit, and acts like a rabbit, it will be treated as such- prey for all predators.
    If it looks like a rabbit and bites like a rattlesnake, rabbits will be safer, and predators more reticent."

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    jimbob, MrOneTwo--sincere thanks for your kind words.

    MrOneTwo, see if you can get your dad, now that the conversation is started, to ask you questions about your liking guns. Don't look at it as a time to persuade him, but just a time to tell him a little more about who you are.

    That's sharing yourself with him, and no matter what he decides, you'll both be richer for that sharing.

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